Bill tells us how to spend a weekend in JRR Tolkien's Shire.
For the world weary traveller, what better place to unwind than in Middle Earth, that charming creation of one JRR Tolkien? Throw away your blackberries and laptops and come down to the Shire for the weekend.
Friday 6PM
Best not come in too late, or you might find everything closing down. Unless you fly in by Gwaihir Air, or are comfortable with riding bareback on a horse of Rohan, the best way to come might be by cart. For a true experience, walk down from the nearest town on theold highway. On the way, you might consider singing:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
There's taverns on the way to point you in the right direction. Be prepared with interesting stories of where you are coming from, since tavern owners and their guests like nothing better than gossip of the outside world. Best not speak of necromancers though. Oh, and expect to be disbelieved if you speak of elephants and tigers.
Saturday 8AM
A good breakfast is necessary to start off. Go to Hobbiton and fill up on homely fare, with fresh fruits and vegetables from Bagshot Row if you can. Rosie's butters and jams are particularly well spoken off.
Saturday 10AM
We will do some adventure tourism today. Catch some of the local kids to guide you. We will go steal some mushrooms. Involves tree climbing, swift running, and fence jumping. Be careful of the dogs, and be wary of going into paths that are dead-ends. This is why the kids are helpful to have around. The Took kids are especially good at
this.
Saturday 11AM
Phew, tiring work, running all that distance? Just about time to have a second breakfast, or elevenses. Don't say no to the tea, its reputed to be quite good.
Saturday 1PM
Now that we got done with that, its time for something completely different! Like lunch, for instance. The rabbit pie with taters, er, potatoes, is highly recommended. The bread is pretty good too, though the elvish waybread is not readily obtained. Don't pass up the opportunity to get some if it is offered.
Saturday 3PM
Let's go to the woods to meet Mr Bombadil. His songs alone are worth the trip. Add to that the charms of Goldberry, and what other reason do you need? Be careful of the road, and do not go into barrows. When in doubt, call out for Tom, and if you are lucky he will come find you. Reach there in time for tea, and you will get great cakes too. Take those outdoors, and get old Bombadil to sing. Or ask him if he knows if any wood elves are passing by. Don't miss the opportunity of asking some of those elves about the High Havens, and Lothlorien.
Start back to reach back in time to get to Bywater. Walking in the dark can seem scary, so keep your spirits up by singing songs Bombadil has taught you. Keep your eyes out for any Entwives you can see. (No, we don't know how they look like either).
Saturday 8PM
Okay, time to take in the night life. Make the trip down to the Prancing Pony, a fine inn with great ales. Its going to be crowded, so be patient. Their cider and ale is rather good, and you get to meet a wide cross-section of people. Some raucous singing might ensue. Climb on a table, dance, and chug down your beer, and everyone will be your friend. Singing long silly songs is also encouraged. Do not disappear, whatever you do, or you will be the topic of discussion for years!
Saturday 10PM
You should be feeling pretty full after that dinner, right? So why not put your feet up and try some pipeweed? You are not a smoker? Tch, tch, the Southfarthing's longbottom leaf is the finest, bar none. Kings and rangers, wizards and elves and dwarves, all get their supplies from here. A Havana cigar is not just for smokers, eh? Put that in your pipe and smoke it! On the other hand, if you are a smoker, everybody appreciates skill in blowing smoke rings. The more the merrier.
Sunday 9AM
Yes, you guessed right, food! A good Sunday breakfast spread is as good a way of starting the day as any. Finish up by taking up your pipe (you fell in love with it, didn't you?) and engaging in desultory conversation. You will not be left alone anyway until you hear the family history going on to third cousins on every side, and how the aunt of the neighbor is sure to accidentally take away spoons and forks from the dinner table.
Sunday 11AM
Well, now that you have finished breakfast (you did remember to linger over it, didn't you?), we can go exploring some of the traditional houses. Good examples of burrowing architecture can be found in the local towns. Mind the ceiling if you are on the tall side. Go explore tunnels and burrows, pausing to check out the fine fireplaces in the older homes.
Sunday 3PM
After a leisurely lunch, if you are up to it, you can go take in the water mill. They are pretty proud of it around here. If you have any fireworks on you, you can make friends with all the children (most adults too) pretty fast.
Sunday 6PM
Finish off the trip with attending a square dance. Most everyone is forgiving of bad dance moves, but its rather easy to learn anyway. If dancing is not your thing, or even if it is, stop by to refresh yourself at the tables. But not like we need to tell you this by this time.
Things to get back
Get some of that pipe weed, your friends will thank you for getting it. Produce, and apples and berries, are also good to get. On no account should you pick up any rings or such, much trouble can occur later.
For the world weary traveller, what better place to unwind than in Middle Earth, that charming creation of one JRR Tolkien? Throw away your blackberries and laptops and come down to the Shire for the weekend.
Friday 6PM
Best not come in too late, or you might find everything closing down. Unless you fly in by Gwaihir Air, or are comfortable with riding bareback on a horse of Rohan, the best way to come might be by cart. For a true experience, walk down from the nearest town on theold highway. On the way, you might consider singing:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
There's taverns on the way to point you in the right direction. Be prepared with interesting stories of where you are coming from, since tavern owners and their guests like nothing better than gossip of the outside world. Best not speak of necromancers though. Oh, and expect to be disbelieved if you speak of elephants and tigers.
Saturday 8AM
A good breakfast is necessary to start off. Go to Hobbiton and fill up on homely fare, with fresh fruits and vegetables from Bagshot Row if you can. Rosie's butters and jams are particularly well spoken off.
Saturday 10AM
We will do some adventure tourism today. Catch some of the local kids to guide you. We will go steal some mushrooms. Involves tree climbing, swift running, and fence jumping. Be careful of the dogs, and be wary of going into paths that are dead-ends. This is why the kids are helpful to have around. The Took kids are especially good at
this.
Saturday 11AM
Phew, tiring work, running all that distance? Just about time to have a second breakfast, or elevenses. Don't say no to the tea, its reputed to be quite good.
Saturday 1PM
Now that we got done with that, its time for something completely different! Like lunch, for instance. The rabbit pie with taters, er, potatoes, is highly recommended. The bread is pretty good too, though the elvish waybread is not readily obtained. Don't pass up the opportunity to get some if it is offered.
Saturday 3PM
Let's go to the woods to meet Mr Bombadil. His songs alone are worth the trip. Add to that the charms of Goldberry, and what other reason do you need? Be careful of the road, and do not go into barrows. When in doubt, call out for Tom, and if you are lucky he will come find you. Reach there in time for tea, and you will get great cakes too. Take those outdoors, and get old Bombadil to sing. Or ask him if he knows if any wood elves are passing by. Don't miss the opportunity of asking some of those elves about the High Havens, and Lothlorien.
Start back to reach back in time to get to Bywater. Walking in the dark can seem scary, so keep your spirits up by singing songs Bombadil has taught you. Keep your eyes out for any Entwives you can see. (No, we don't know how they look like either).
Saturday 8PM
Okay, time to take in the night life. Make the trip down to the Prancing Pony, a fine inn with great ales. Its going to be crowded, so be patient. Their cider and ale is rather good, and you get to meet a wide cross-section of people. Some raucous singing might ensue. Climb on a table, dance, and chug down your beer, and everyone will be your friend. Singing long silly songs is also encouraged. Do not disappear, whatever you do, or you will be the topic of discussion for years!
Saturday 10PM
You should be feeling pretty full after that dinner, right? So why not put your feet up and try some pipeweed? You are not a smoker? Tch, tch, the Southfarthing's longbottom leaf is the finest, bar none. Kings and rangers, wizards and elves and dwarves, all get their supplies from here. A Havana cigar is not just for smokers, eh? Put that in your pipe and smoke it! On the other hand, if you are a smoker, everybody appreciates skill in blowing smoke rings. The more the merrier.
Sunday 9AM
Yes, you guessed right, food! A good Sunday breakfast spread is as good a way of starting the day as any. Finish up by taking up your pipe (you fell in love with it, didn't you?) and engaging in desultory conversation. You will not be left alone anyway until you hear the family history going on to third cousins on every side, and how the aunt of the neighbor is sure to accidentally take away spoons and forks from the dinner table.
Sunday 11AM
Well, now that you have finished breakfast (you did remember to linger over it, didn't you?), we can go exploring some of the traditional houses. Good examples of burrowing architecture can be found in the local towns. Mind the ceiling if you are on the tall side. Go explore tunnels and burrows, pausing to check out the fine fireplaces in the older homes.
Sunday 3PM
After a leisurely lunch, if you are up to it, you can go take in the water mill. They are pretty proud of it around here. If you have any fireworks on you, you can make friends with all the children (most adults too) pretty fast.
Sunday 6PM
Finish off the trip with attending a square dance. Most everyone is forgiving of bad dance moves, but its rather easy to learn anyway. If dancing is not your thing, or even if it is, stop by to refresh yourself at the tables. But not like we need to tell you this by this time.
Things to get back
Get some of that pipe weed, your friends will thank you for getting it. Produce, and apples and berries, are also good to get. On no account should you pick up any rings or such, much trouble can occur later.
3 comments:
oooh! Brilliant. Just brilliant. Though a little too much physical exertion for old Shire-folk like me. Why, it almost makes it sound as though visiting the Shire might be (horrors!) a bit of an adventure.
Totally entertaining!! made me want to read lotr all the more (been trying since i watched the movies :)
Hobbit rather than LOTR, Alex.
Within my powers I pronounce thee an Honorary Hobbit, Sir Bill.
J.A.P.
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