Shire

Bill tells us how to spend a weekend in JRR Tolkien's Shire.

For the world weary traveller, what better place to unwind than in Middle Earth, that charming creation of one JRR Tolkien? Throw away your blackberries and laptops and come down to the Shire for the weekend.

Friday 6PM
Best not come in too late, or you might find everything closing down. Unless you fly in by Gwaihir Air, or are comfortable with riding bareback on a horse of Rohan, the best way to come might be by cart. For a true experience, walk down from the nearest town on theold highway. On the way, you might consider singing:

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

There's taverns on the way to point you in the right direction. Be prepared with interesting stories of where you are coming from, since tavern owners and their guests like nothing better than gossip of the outside world. Best not speak of necromancers though. Oh, and expect to be disbelieved if you speak of elephants and tigers.

Saturday 8AM
A good breakfast is necessary to start off. Go to Hobbiton and fill up on homely fare, with fresh fruits and vegetables from Bagshot Row if you can. Rosie's butters and jams are particularly well spoken off.

Saturday 10AM
We will do some adventure tourism today. Catch some of the local kids to guide you. We will go steal some mushrooms. Involves tree climbing, swift running, and fence jumping. Be careful of the dogs, and be wary of going into paths that are dead-ends. This is why the kids are helpful to have around. The Took kids are especially good at
this.

Saturday 11AM
Phew, tiring work, running all that distance? Just about time to have a second breakfast, or elevenses. Don't say no to the tea, its reputed to be quite good.

Saturday 1PM
Now that we got done with that, its time for something completely different! Like lunch, for instance. The rabbit pie with taters, er, potatoes, is highly recommended. The bread is pretty good too, though the elvish waybread is not readily obtained. Don't pass up the opportunity to get some if it is offered.

Saturday 3PM
Let's go to the woods to meet Mr Bombadil. His songs alone are worth the trip. Add to that the charms of Goldberry, and what other reason do you need? Be careful of the road, and do not go into barrows. When in doubt, call out for Tom, and if you are lucky he will come find you. Reach there in time for tea, and you will get great cakes too. Take those outdoors, and get old Bombadil to sing. Or ask him if he knows if any wood elves are passing by. Don't miss the opportunity of asking some of those elves about the High Havens, and Lothlorien.

Start back to reach back in time to get to Bywater. Walking in the dark can seem scary, so keep your spirits up by singing songs Bombadil has taught you. Keep your eyes out for any Entwives you can see. (No, we don't know how they look like either).

Saturday 8PM
Okay, time to take in the night life. Make the trip down to the Prancing Pony, a fine inn with great ales. Its going to be crowded, so be patient. Their cider and ale is rather good, and you get to meet a wide cross-section of people. Some raucous singing might ensue. Climb on a table, dance, and chug down your beer, and everyone will be your friend. Singing long silly songs is also encouraged. Do not disappear, whatever you do, or you will be the topic of discussion for years!

Saturday 10PM
You should be feeling pretty full after that dinner, right? So why not put your feet up and try some pipeweed? You are not a smoker? Tch, tch, the Southfarthing's longbottom leaf is the finest, bar none. Kings and rangers, wizards and elves and dwarves, all get their supplies from here. A Havana cigar is not just for smokers, eh? Put that in your pipe and smoke it! On the other hand, if you are a smoker, everybody appreciates skill in blowing smoke rings. The more the merrier.

Sunday 9AM
Yes, you guessed right, food! A good Sunday breakfast spread is as good a way of starting the day as any. Finish up by taking up your pipe (you fell in love with it, didn't you?) and engaging in desultory conversation. You will not be left alone anyway until you hear the family history going on to third cousins on every side, and how the aunt of the neighbor is sure to accidentally take away spoons and forks from the dinner table.

Sunday 11AM
Well, now that you have finished breakfast (you did remember to linger over it, didn't you?), we can go exploring some of the traditional houses. Good examples of burrowing architecture can be found in the local towns. Mind the ceiling if you are on the tall side. Go explore tunnels and burrows, pausing to check out the fine fireplaces in the older homes.

Sunday 3PM
After a leisurely lunch, if you are up to it, you can go take in the water mill. They are pretty proud of it around here. If you have any fireworks on you, you can make friends with all the children (most adults too) pretty fast.

Sunday 6PM
Finish off the trip with attending a square dance. Most everyone is forgiving of bad dance moves, but its rather easy to learn anyway. If dancing is not your thing, or even if it is, stop by to refresh yourself at the tables. But not like we need to tell you this by this time.

Things to get back
Get some of that pipe weed, your friends will thank you for getting it. Produce, and apples and berries, are also good to get. On no account should you pick up any rings or such, much trouble can occur later.

Khasak

How to spend your 48 hours in OV Vijayan's Khasak

The best way to get to Khasak is to take a bus from Palghat town to Koomankavu, and then walk through the Ghats for a good six miles. Not to be attempted after dusk especially those of you who, like me, have an unnatural fear of teething blue-black snakes and their infant fangs and so, in this itinerary we will start from Palghat early Saturday morning. Just get to Palghat on Friday and retire early as we have to start early the next day.

Saturday 6AM
You can drive but then you miss out the KSRTC bus experience, so I suggest you take the first bus to Koomankavu from Palghat bus stand. Rickety old bus will take you past the fertile paddy fields and into the mountains for a couple of hours before finally halting at Koomankavu. Don't panic if everyone else gets off in earlier stops; Koomankavu is used to lone visitors.

Saturday 9AM
A forlorn post next to the mountain pass, Koomankavu consists of about "a dozen shops and shacks under an immense canopy of trees". Three days a week, all six members of the Koomankavu Beedi Workers Union will be on strike. You can see them with their red flags marching up and down Koomankavu shouting Inquilab - Zindabad, Anglo-American exploitaton - Murdabad. Walk over to the sherbet vendor's shop for breakfast. Appams with egg or beef curry readily available. Do not forget to get a bottle of sherbet for the road.

Saturday 10AM
Long walk to Khasak. Out of Koomankavu into a tulsi-scented valley for sometime before climbing up again for a mile or so. The path slopes down after that and Koomankavu is lost to view. If its nearing the monsoon season, listen for the call of the Maniyan - if he is around, the rains cannot be far behind. Soon, signs of human habitation will crop up - bulls and buffaloes by the brook, crows and pigeons, and then the red roof tiles through the greenery. Behind Khasak stands the mountain Chetali, its crown of rock jutting out shading the paddies below. No, not rock, those huge formations that you see underneath the rock are wild beehives, waxed to one another.

Saturday 12noon
Lunch at Aliyar's teashop. There is space inside for only four people but there are benches outside where you can sit for however long you want. The village gossip perched on the loadrest also happens to be the resident toddy-tapper, so in addition to feeding you all the local news, he can be conned to get you some fresh toddy.

Saturday 2PM
The District Board's school which used to be a shed where seeds were once stored - it consists of a long corridor, two modest rooms one of which serves as a dwelling place for the teacher and the other the classroom, and a large yard shaded by tamarind trees. The school will be closed but you might find the teacher, an existentialist fugitive in his sarai who will be more than happy to exachange biographies with you. But more likely, you will find just Khasak's parrot-man (who is Hindu on certain days of the week and Muslim on the rest) and his dragonfly waiting to see if the Maash has returned.

Saturday 3PM
Around the village of Khasak lie twelve ruined mosques; they have always been there as far as anyone could remember. Long ago, pagan deities and mortal humans tried to rebuild these mosques quite a few times but demon spirits thrawted the reconstruction and so no one tries to build them anymore. The most recent of the ruins is the Mosque of the King inside which you will see the Khazi, a djinn, the spirit of Sayed Mian Sheikh preparing for evening prayers. Say hello. The mosque overlooks the Araby tank, a pond of clear water where you can take a dip until the cry of the muezzin sounds from inside the Mosque. Just be a little careful though - the Araby tank is supposedly where beings dismembered in past wars come to bathe their unwashed wounds, so you might catch an infection.

Saturday 6PM
Time to go see Kuttadan, the Oracle of the Goddess Nallamma (Goddess of Smallpox in case you were wondering) and his shrine. The goddess speaks through the oracle a couple of days a week, and people came from far to hear her speak. If you are lucky, the she might speak today or there might even be an exorcism with swords and anklets and the rest. Either way, there will be enough of toddy and illicit arrack going around for everybody, so this cannot be missed.

Sunday 9AM
Chetali. Quick breakfast at Aliyar's teashop. Pack a picnic lunch - pathiris and meat curry that any Muslim household in the village will happily provide. Then climb up the Chetali. On the way, you will see butterflies, dragonflies, and red spiders with silken coats and probably some hooded reptiles. At the top, there is a rocky pool where a water demon resides. Jump in and say hi. Enjoy your lunch. No, do not attempt to go find the beehives from here, you will only succeed in killing yourself.

Sunday 1PM
Back in the village, its time to shop for souvenirs at Mainmoona's store. Ofcourse its an excuse to see the houri of Khasak face to face. After which you need to rush to Koomankavu to catch the last bus to Palghat. If you delay, you might be waiting for the bus forever.

Getting to Palghat
The nearest airport is Coimbatore; quite a few domestic airlines fly here. From Coimbatore its about an hour by bus to Palghat. Alternatively, you can also take one of the many trains from Chennai or Banglore heading towards Kerala and get off at Palghat Junction.

Accommodations
Two choices - either make friends with the Khazi who will gladly let you stay in the Mosque of the King or you can always stay at the school which was once a seedling house.