Death Valley

No, none of the 49ers died here. They were just lost in the valley while trying to find a shortcut into California and they thought for a time that they would die. They found a way out finally and as they walked through the pass, some old man is supposed to have said "Goodbye Death Valley" and the name apparently stuck. But this doesn't mean you can't die in Death Valley - all you have to do really is to attempt the Badwater ultramarathon next July. Just 135 miles in 100 degree heat and we will see if you survive. You aren't that insane? Good, then drive into Death Valley National Park in late fall and find out for yourself how spectacular bare rock and fine sand can be.

Quick facts: Death Valley National Park runs north-south between the Amaragosa Range to the east and Panamint Range to the west, and is the largest national park in contiguous United States. At 282ft below sea level, Badwater, located inside the park is the lowest point in North America. Land of extremes, described mostly in superlatives - hottest, driest, lowest.

Friday 5PM
The best time to drive into the park is from the east at dusk as long as someone else is doing the driving. If you flew into Vegas to get here, you will take the very deserted US95 up, past the aliens on Area 51 to the town of Beatty, NV. In Beatty you stock up on essentials and turn west, go past a couple of ghost towns that though supposedly authentic will have you searching for old Clint and then go through Daylight Pass and Hell's Gate into the park. If you miss the sunset, don't worry, this one is just the bonus, we will see the real thing tomorrow.

Friday 8PM
Dinner at the Forty Niner Cafe at Furnace Creek Ranch. Basic but serves good dinner and brunch and its not like you have too many choices anyway. You can ofcourse go across to the Furnace Creek Inn instead which is an expensive resort in the middle of an oasis with swimming pools, golf course and a few restaurants among other resorty things. The resort looks so incongruous that you immediately want to place a call to your friendly neighborhood aspiring terrorist.

Saturday 8AM
Breakfast at the Forty Niner Cafe. If you happen to stay at Stovepipe Wells, try the restaurant there as they serve similar stuff. Make sure you eat enough as we will have a really late lunch. Or if you have to have lunch on time, get sandwiches packed.

Saturday 10AM
Badwater & Devil's Golf Course. Driving to Badwater from Furnace Creek in daylight, Death Valley starts to make sense - Amaragosa on your left, miles and miles of flat saltland on your right ending at the foothills of the Panamint, snow capped Telescope Peak towering over everything else and we still haven't seen any sign of vegetation anywhere. Its all multicolored rock, salt and up ahead, there's snow. Badwater Basin really has bad water if you were wondering, the site has a walkway leading to spring-fed pool but the salts around make it undrinkable. The pool is not the lowest point in N America, this is actually a few miles west but walking through the salt flats is dangerous and so its not allowed. Next we drive to the bizzare Devil's Golf Course where two feet rock salt formations stretch for miles and miles. The salt fields are unlike anything I have seen before and they are an absolute must-see. Be careful while you walk through the fields though - the rock salt edges are razor sharp and if you fall down, severe cuts are guaranteed.

Saturday 1PM
Golden Canyon. Heading back, stop at Golden Canyon and take the popular Canyon trail. Its a not-so-narrow gorge that cuts through orange and gold colored sandstone rocks for about a mile, and then abruptly ends at the base of deep red sandstone cliffs forming an amphitheater called the Red Cathedral. Climb up one of the many ledges of the Cathedral, turn around and take your time. Red, Gold, and Orange sandstone hills glowing in the sun, the sky a clear blue, then miles of desert land followed by giant black mountains with snow-capped peaks - those of you from the green parts of the world will finally realize that that particular color is overvalued. Now that you are done reflecting, if you think you need more activity, there is a longer 4 mile trail that starts a few hundred metres south of the Cathedral that will take through the badlands beneath Zabriskie Point. Else head back for lunch.

Saturday 4PM
Lunch at where else? One of the two restaurants. I suggest Stovepipe Wells as its closer to the dunes where we are going next.

Saturday 5.30PM
Sunset at the sand dunes. Number Two on my top ten sunsets ever. Give yourself a good hour to work your way to the tallest dune for the sunset. Yes, they keep changing shape but the taller ones are always set away from the road and you have to climb up and down atleast two dozen dunes before getting to them. Take off your shoes if the sand inside starts bothering you, its better to walk barefoot as long as the sand isn't hot. The sun will go down the Panamint range but most of the action will be on the Amaragosa as it changes color every other minute until the sun completely disappears leaving you in utter darkness stranded in the middle of the desert. If you are lucky there won't be a moon, because if there's a moon, then the people from the resort will be here soon for their romantic moonlight horse/buggy rides on the dunes and you want to get out before they arrive. If you are really lucky though, then there will be a sandstorm - you would have seen it coming from the North if only you weren't so busy photographing the sunset. The next two hours you will spend going round in circles, totally blinded as there's so much sand in your eyes and anyway even if there isn't there you cannot see more than two feet ahead; you will hear choppers above and attempt to wave until some Park Ranger finally finds you and brings you back to safety. Or if you aren't a helpless sort of person, you just get a friend along who has a sense for storms and directions and can get you out straight to your car in less than half an hour while everyone else is waiting to be rescued.

Saturday 9PM
Hour long shower followed by a well deserved dinner at Forty Niner Cafe. They do have some decent wines, so this might be a good time to celebrate your rescue.

Sunday 8 AM
Breakfast. If you are in the mood for a long, strenuous hike, ignore all of today's itinerary - get up early and do Telescope Peak(14 miles) instead.

Sunday 9AM
Mosaic Canyon. The popular lower trail of the Mosaic Canyon takes you through a mile of twisted narrow passageways with beautiful, multicolored rocks on either side. The colors are different from the ones we saw in Golden Canyon, these are mostly marble and marble-like rocks, smoothed by water, mixed with other fragments to form colorful mosaic patches. The marble will look pretty enticing and if you have a sudden urge to take some of this marble and use it for re-flooring your Jubilee Hills home back in Hyderabad, please remind yourself that you could be looking at a couple of years in a federal prison.

Sunday 11AM
Titus Canyon. Two options: if you have a 4WD, drive out of the park(east entrance) and a couple of miles after the exit there will be marked gravel road from where its a 26-mile one-way to the foothills of the Grapevine Mountains and then into the recesses of the Canyon and out west well inside the park. Pack lunch and check at the Ranger station at Furnace Creek to make sure the road is open as flash floods often happen here. If you don't want to drive through the canyon, just park at the west entrance of the canyon inside the park, and take a walk inside. This is pure Lord of the Rings territory and you will feel like you are walking with Aragorn to meet the mountain folk.

Sunday 2PM
Ubehebe Crater. At the north end of Death Valley, the Ubehebe crater system contains several craters and ash hills resulting from an eruption thousands of years ago. Ubehebe is the largest and the youngest of the craters in the area and it over 700 ft deep and half a mile wide. You can climb down the crater but the best view is from the rim, so you decide.

Getting There
Most of Death Valley National Park is in Southwestern California though some parts of the park is in Nevada. The nearest airport is Las Vegas which is about 120 miles from the park. From Vegas, take US95 North to Beatty, NV and then go west on Hwy 374 and into the park through the east entrance. If you are driving in from the west[1], from Bakersfield, take Hwys 178 and 395 which will get you to Route 190 leading you into the park. Four wheel drive recommended though not really necessary for our itinerary. Please remember to carry lots and lots of water. The park entrance fee is around $20 but if you plan to visit more than two parks in a year, you might want to invest in the $50 National Park pass.

Accommodations
Doesn't matter where you stay as long as its inside Death Valley. You don't want to waste time driving in and out of the park, so stay at either Furnace Creek Inn/Ranch or the much cheaper Stovepipe Wells Village. Both managed by Xanterra Parks and Resorts.

[1] Quite a few people combine Death Valley with Las Vegas, I would suggest you not do that. Yes, even if you are a Vegas person (though I am not sure what you are doing here then). Visiting Vegas and Death Valley NP together is like eating instant pasta with homemade curd, so you decide whether you want to do that.

Schaumburg, IL

Or how to spend the perfect Amercian weekend.

Welcome to the mother of suburbia, to the strip mall capital of the world. Here we shop till we are hungry, and then and we eat. Oh, come off it. We know you love to look down upon us, you townies, and that you love to come down here and look at us like animals in zoo but you need us more than we need you. You know this is where you come to shop on sale days, and to buy your hybrid. You can make fun of our elephant sized townhomes, but you need our basements to store your furniture. And who are we kidding? You all move here anyway once you get married and have a kid; you will also worry about school districts and home prices, shop at the mall every weekend and celebrate birthdays at Maggiano's. So get off that high horse, and come see how we live. It is, after all, your future.

Friday 6PM
Traffic on I-90. You didn't really think you were going to cruise into Schaumburg just like that, did you? That too during peak hour on Fridays when everyone's heading back home after a hard day's work in the evil city? Anyway, there's no better way to get inducted into American suburbia than spending a good couple of hours inside your SUV cursing at the toll booth attendant, the I-pass lanes and everyone else who happens to share the road with you.

Friday 8PM
Dinner at Cheesecake Factory at Woodfield Mall. This happens to be every suburbanite's dream restaurant. Everything is oversized from the menus to the funky Egyptian symbols. Portion sizes guaranteed to give you heart attacks. The decor is like, well, WTF. Avocado Egg Rolls and the Chicken Marsala are favorites here. Not to mention hundreds of cheesecakes that will add up to hundreds of thousands of calories. Do make sure you have a reservation, otherwise you will spend a good hour waiting for a table. Though sometimes, waiting itself can be fun, especially for a city snob. Great entertainment to watch these suburban people going crazy with their fourteen shopping bags and four kids.

Saturday 10AM
Breakfast at Ikea. The Swedish furniture store? Breakfast? No, I kid you not. Didn't you know they have "value for money" Swedish food in their restaurant on the third floor? The full, hot Swedish breakfast is only $.99. The queues here are as long as the ones on the checkout line. Trust me, this is the local hangout - they all get their breakfast here and then start the shopping day. A must-eat place.

Saturday 12noon
Gurnee Mills. We leave Schaumburg. Don't worry, we will come back and shop here but first we have to go to the outlet mall and shop there. Drive 40 miles North to get to Gurnee Mills, right before the exit you will see Six Flags. This is where people drop their four kids off before heading to the mall so that they can shop in peace.

An alternative to Gurnee Hills is the Premium Outlet Mall southwest of Schaumburg. This one has fewer shops and it a little more organized. Also has the added advantage of being a couple of exits away from the Aurora temple from where you can grab a quick lunch. Though, you know, if you want the authentic experience, try one of the Chinese places in the food court!

Saturday 8PM
Dinner at PF Chang's. Waits maybe even longer than Cheesecake Factory but the menus are slightly smaller. Other than that, same as Cheesecake Factory, just happens to have a different name. What are you complaining about? Hello, this is suburbia. They are all the same, get it? Thats the whole damn point. Enjoy!

Saturday 10PM
Movie at Streets of Woodfield. No, you absolutely cannot walk to Streets of Woodfield from PF Chang's. You might get run over. So drive across the street to the Loews at Streets of Woodfield and watch a movie. No, it doesn't really matter what movie as none of your snobbish, foreign-language, indie movie are screened here anyway. Not to worry. After the movie, drive to the Starbucks a hundred yards away and get some coffee. Look around at the wannabe townies. Funny, aren't they?

Sunday 10AM
Brunch at the Curragh. Irish pub/restaurant at the Mall (where else?) which serves decent brunch and usually has a halfway decent Irish band playing. Its either this or the Old Country Buffet for brunch, so you decide!

Sunday 12noon
Woodfield Mall. A whirlwind shopping tour at the Woodfield Mall. At some point in the not so distant past, this used to be the largest mall in the States, so spend your three hours wisely. Look for the stores you did not find in the outlet mall the day before. Make sure you have someone around to carry your shopping bags.

Sunday 3PM
Homes of Schaumburg. No visit to Schaumburg is complete without a driving tour (what did you expect? A walking tour?) through communities of cookie cutter homes with their basketball hoops and beautifully manicured lawns. Three car garages and swimming pools. An odd kid on his bike, a misfit; the others and the Dads are inside busy with their Playstations while the Moms and sisters are at the mall. Living the American Dream.

Getting There
The easiest way to get here is to fly into Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, rent the biggest SUV you can get, and drive 20 minutes Northwest to Schaumburg. The key being it doesn't really matter whether you fly or take the train or bus to get to Chicago, you just have to make sure that you have a minivan/SUV to get to Schaumburg. You can probably get to the Village of Schaumburg on a smaller car but be warned that you will sorely stand out. Imagine your poor Toyota Prius lost among thousands of Town & Countrys and Hummers over at the JC Penney parking lot at Woodfield Mall. It isn't a pretty sight, I tell you.

Accommodations
One of the standard, economy chains is your best bet. But if you insist, your stay can be arranged at one of the humongous homes around Schaumburg. Yes, with trampoline and pool and two and half kids. Email for details.

Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh? Of all places, Pittsburgh? Well, why not? Might not be the place where you can spend an entire lifetime (Is there such a place? Really?), but you can definitely spend 48 hours here. So okay, I have never heard of anyone heading to Pittsburgh for the weekend to look around but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. I have spent a good part of two years in this city, and some others have languished here in Steel town for over 5 years and we shall all tell you that for a city this size, Pittsburgh has a lot to offer - very cool museums like the Andy Warhol and Carnegie Museum of Art, beautiful views of the Three Rivers and downtown from top of mountains, Wright's Fallingwater not too far from the city, renowned universities like UPMC and CMU, and lovely old neighborhoods like Shadyside and Squirrel Hill. Recommended season of visit is fall but summers should be okay too.

Friday 6 PM
Getting in to the city from the airport, you will go past the Fort Pitt tunnel and through the bridge from where you shall get a pretty neat view of downtown. Allegheny and Monangahela rivers become the Ohio at downtown Pittsburgh. You will see signs of a dying city - deserted downtown as everyone's gone back home from work, shabby stores that were once hip, factories which don't look operational, McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts, lifeless skyscrapers, Point State Park deserted too unless there's some summer event, and the only crowd you are likely to see will be in front of Benedum Center for the season's musical. Once inside the city, head to the Monangahela Incline and take the funicular rail lift upto Mount Washington from where awesome views of the rivers, bridges and the city can be beheld. If you are the strolling type, promenade along the half mile walkway to the ice cream store at the other end.

Friday 8 PM
Dinner at Station Square. Its sort of a waterfront mall right where you get down on the rail lift on your way back, but it has some decent restaurants and the waterfront views are quite nice too. I would suggest the East Carson Street on the South Side for dinner and after but we need to get an early start the next day, so you decide.

Saturday 7 AM
I know, I know but we have to drive an hour and half to Fallingwater at 8.30 AM. Only at 8.30 AM do they have a special two hour tour of the house and only on this tour is photography permitted inside the house, and so needless to say, it must be taken. The most popular of all Wright homes, Fallingwater was built as a vacation home for the Kauffmans' in 1939. Perched on top of a small waterfall in the Bear Run Nature Preserve, this spectacular house is like nothing you have seen - the house is so integrated with nature that it is difficult to see where the house ends and the woods begin and yet, even when it is so organic, Fallingwater is so clearly a celebration of modern technology and architecture. Ofcourse like most Wrights, it wasn't exactly what the owners wanted and neither was it particularly livable[1], but hey, that's the engineer's problem.
If you haven't had enough of Wright, don't worry, there's another house quite close by. Kentuck Nob, lesser known but a signature Wright nevertheless. Well worth your time.

Saturday 1.30 PM
On the way back, right after you get off the PA turnpike and onto I376, by the Monroeville Exit you will see directions to the SV Temple. Trust me on this one, take it. You will go up and down through narrow, winding roads and you will be almost certain that you are utterly lost when you will see the Balaji temple. One of the oldest desi temples in the New World and definitely the most popular, there's always a wedding/naming ceremony every weekend. There's also some seven hills Tirupathi type funda about this temple which I forget now. Why are we here, you ask? Because its lunchtime, stupid. Go straight to the cafe and buy $2 puliyodharais, sambar saadhams and thayiru saadams. Peace will happen.

Saturday 4 PM
Andy Warhol museum. Don't think Pittsburgh associated itself with Warhol when he was alive, but he's hometown hero now and they have a seven-story converted warehouse building dedicated to his works. Campbell's soup cans, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, Silver clouds and everthing else pop that Warhol touched is here. For more entertainment, make sure you take with you atleast one person who is utterly clueless about Warhol and his works. Will make your day, I promise.

Saturday 8 PM
Dinner at Church Brew Works. Or how to draw crowds inside a church. Convert it to a brewery/restaurant. Cut up the pews and make dining booths. The confessional into a merchandise store. Courtyard now an outdoor patio. Good beer and decent food. Go for the atmosphere of course. And to find out how the church can really serve humanity for a change.

Sunday 10 AM
Note to active types: Get up early and go for a run in Schenley Park. It has miles of hiking and running trails, and it borders both CMU and the U of Pittsburgh. Here and there, you will come out of the woods and see neat views of the city and the Cathedral of Learning.
Brunch at Pamela's on Squirrel Hill. Will have to wait a while but its worth it. While you are waiting, explore the stores on Forbes and Murray Avenues. Couple of second hand bookstores on Murray are quite decent. And don't get scared by men walking past reading the Torah. They don't mean any harm, really.

Sunday 12 noon
Walk from Squirrel Hill to Shadyside and check out the uber classy Walnut Street. Upscale stores and galleries all around. Beautiful houses on the side streets. [If you happen to go in August, check schedules for the Shadyside Arts Festival. It draws artists from all over the country and is great place for bargains.] Now walk to Oakland, and check out the campuses of Carnegie Mellon and the U of Pittsburgh. At CMU, look for the very good looking Hammerschlag Hall. And now, look at the nondescript Wean Hall next to it. Draw your own conclusions. At U of Pitt, do not miss the Cathedral of Learning and the Heinz chapel next to it. The chapel really has some amazing stained glass windows.

Getting There
The Pittsburgh International Airport, while not a hub anymore, still is well served by US Airways. For the price sensitive traveler though, there's always Southwest who offers some very excellent fares. For instance, Chicago to Pittsburgh and back costs about $120 if you book a couple of weeks in advance. Last minute fares and e-fares to Pittsburgh are quite common and very affordable.

If you are driving down, its a six-hour drive from NYC through the PA turnpike, and four hours from DC. A couple of hours North will put you in the Lake Erie area, and another couple of hours to the border and ofcourse, the overrated Niagara Falls. Driving in from Chicago in good weather will take you a good eight hours but if you happen to miss an evening flight and drive through the night in the middle of the winter, its more like twelve.

Accommodations
Do yourself a favor and don't get too excited by the promise of quaint, bed-and-breakfast inns all over the city. There are enough places in the world where its worth paying thrice what you usually pay but we aren't there yet. Stick to your nearest and favoritest economy chain hotel and you will be fine. If you hate that idea and absolutely have to stay in an "authentic" local place, that can be arranged. A spacious, three-bedroom mansion in the Jewish haven of Squirrel Hill, a stone's throw away from Schenley Park and the restaurants of Murray Ave awaits you. You will be sharing acco with three men known for their culinary and bartending talents among other things. Please to email me for details.

Caution
Pittsburgh, like Chicago, is a huge sports town. If you, like me, are not the sports type, stay away from the city on weekends when the Steelers or Pirates are playing. The Penguins though are worth a watch in case you can stand hockey.

[1] As the story goes, once when the Kauffmans were at Fallingwater, some roof started leaking in the middle of the night and someone called Wright to tell him about it. He's supposed to have (famously) asked the person who called him to fetch a bucket.